Returning takes too long.

December 28, 2001

Aswan, Egypt

Returning to Egypt to sort out the final, tangible loose ends of my relationship takes too long, which also translates to takes too much energy, and takes too much money, and may take me too long to recover from any inconvenient truths I may uncover along the way. I have my truth. I guard it fiercely with white lies, black lies, red, green, yellow, purple, and pink lies. I've compartmentalized my relationship with Azim very nicely, and to return to take it, examine it, analyze it, and try to uncover the truth about it takes too long. My truth is tied up very nicely and is resting on a precipice high above a raging river, safe from the snapping jaws of alligators . . . word, word, word, word?

Returning to rewrite with more truth than fiction his relationship with wife No. 1 takes too long. Even trying to decide how to unravel it takes too long.

Returning takes too long

and you're too long gone

to find the truth

in the dust you have become.

What purpose would it serve

to return to March 2000?

to December 2001?

to November 2004?

to December 2007?

to go back in time.

Returning takes too long

And, anyway, you're no longer there.

Returning in a time machine would be nice.

To be able to do it over again
to do it right
to make it right
Then returning would be worth the effort.

But returning the way things are now, with no assurance of outcome, is a scary prospect. Do I really want the truth? The truth may devastate me, and take too long for me to recover from.

Returning definitely takes too long.