Write about a hesitation.

I'm hesitating sending a letter to Laura to reconnect with her to write the book about parallel lives. I am hesitating (1) because I am still angry about her reading my mail from Ethel and Karen, and that she called Karen; (2) because I really don't want to be rejected by her a third time; (3) because I don't know if I can do the story justice with my writing; (4) because I don't know if I can trust Laura to tell the truth; (5) because . . . I can't think of another because. I also hesitate because I'm going to have to humble myself and let go of my stupid indignation at the things she said to me and her breach of my privacy. Of course, I could always seek out her sister-in-law, Sylvia, who is wicked like my sister-in-law, Karyn,. Wicked and mean, both of them.

I hesitate because I want to be in control of the project. I'm the writer; Laura is the artist. Simple as that. I have the idea, I'll do the writing, she gives me the information. It's a 60/40 partnership. I want this book published. I want to be on TV. I want people to look at my story and be wowed! I have to begin small, maybe with magazine stories. I need more training for my writing. This is another reason I hesitate. Am I a good enough writer?

Hesitation. Azim taught me to wait 72 hours when there is an important decision to be made. I've thought about the letter I wrote to Laura. I want to change the order of the things I address with her. The indignation should be at the end, not at the outset; she may not finish reading the letter if I lead with my indignation. Also, so I mention I know about her nervous breakdown and time in the mental hospital? It might clear the air for her. She never admitted it to me. Well, she may be driven by the need for money. I just wonder how greedy she is!

Also, how do I keep her on track? I hesitate because I am not sure I can trust her to do what she's supposed to do. Or, maybe I don't trust myself, either.

Anyway, my birthday is next week, as is Thanksgiving. Might be a good time of the year to get my proposition accepted. Okay, so I really don't want to hesitate any longer. I'm going to send my letter and see what happens. I've nothing to lose and very much to gain. Okay! So where is that letter?